Today is the day to celebrate our MOTHERs for all that they do. The sacrifices they have made on our behalf. The guidance they have provided throughout our lives. The tears they have wiped away, whether we are hurting physically or emotionally. For being there for us when we need someone to talk to or just listen to us when we need to vent. It is a day when we reflect on all of the advice our MOMs have given us over the years. Advice we might have dismissed or chosen not to follow at the time, but we did tuck it away in the corners of our mind and will eventually draw on it, whether we want to admit it to them or not. Really MOM. I was listening.
Personally, it is also a day where I express some thanks for all of the wonderful women who have entered my life in our travels and have stepped in as a MOTHER when mine has been so far away. I have met some amazing women, some in their “golden” years now, some gone, who have inspired me more than they know. And perhaps for some of them, I have substituted slightly for their own child who was also far away. I haven’t always been great about keeping in touch with them after we moved on to our next big adventure, but the impact they have made on my life will remain with me forever.
Let’s face it. Today is also, I would suspect, a day for women who are MOTHERs to take pride in themselves. To look at their children and be proud that they have raised, or are raising, healthy, happy well adjusted children. To be satisfied knowing the role they have played in shaping a little one into independent compassionate soul.
I am not a MOTHER. So for me, today is a day filled with some heart ache. I was not able to have children of my own. For me, today is tinged with sadness at the possibility of what my life...OUR life might be like had we been blessed with children. But it’s not. And while I suspect many think that you eventually get over not being able to have children, you do not. It is with me every day. It is what makes me slightly uncomfortable to be around people that have children. It is what makes it somewhat difficult to be 100% happy when one friend after another shares with you the news that they are expecting. While we are always happy for friends when they get their news, it is a constant reminder to us that we will never experience that feeling. I do have “sisters” who have been dealt the same cruel card as I, so today I pay my respects to you as well. Only we truly know the ache we feel in our hearts today. That our lives are not totally complete. That as little girls we dreamed of being a MOM and nothing will replace that emptiness we feel in our souls today.
Today is also a day when I am missing my fella Rookie. Sadly, Rookie and Ernie are the only kids that I have and I feel Rookie’s loss today. How pathetic, right? I know he’s watching us in the yard and that he’s wishing he could be down here rolling around in the grass.
But you know what they say, when you are wallowing in self-pity. There is always someone out there that has it worse than you. I remind myself how lucky I am that I still have my MOM and that she still has me. For we all have friends who have lost their MOMs, some lost far too young....then again, what is too young? Selfishly, I think my MOM should live on forever. I can’t imagine a day in my life without my MOM and don’t know how my friends that have lost theirs have managed to go on. So today, I am thinking of my friends who have lost their MOMs and wish I could share mine with you. (I share her with my husband. There's lots of love to go around.)
And, let’s not get started on the MOMs who have lost a child, when life has been so cruel to mess with the natural order of our life cycle. Or for those MOMs whose child has taken a frightful path in life that has led them astray, lost to some demon or another. I am equally saddened, and personally touched, by children who have parted ways with their MOMs because they can’t seem to find common ground that they can live on. Regardless of the events that brought them to where they are (or aren’t), I know they long for one another and they are probably thinking of one another today. Perhaps that’s the reason why someone played a cruel trick on me and denied me the opportunity to have a child. I don’t think I could bear that loss.
I am thinking of my friends who are probably celebrating, with brunch or dinner or handmade love-filled gifts from your children and hope that you don’t take for granted the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. As we are thinking of you, I hope you think of us. That you look at those of us that can’t have children and love yours that much more.
So today, as I attempt to busy myself with nothing and trying half-heartedly to not feel quite so hollow, I just want to say Happy MOTHER’s Day to my MOM and thank you for all that you have done for me. For loving me warts and all despite the many challenges I might have brought your way. For not only being the best MOM a woman could ask for but for also being an amazing MOTHER-IN-LAW and loving my husband as unconditionally as you do. The fact that you love him as much as I do makes me love you even more. (I might argue that you love him more than you love me, if that was possible, but I love that you spoil him rotten.) Love YOU (two)and missing you today!!!!
And to all my friends and anyone else out there who might be reading this, HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY to you as well.
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