A day of Lasts has passed, a day of First begins...

I thought today would bring less tears but the moment I got up, they returned. The prospect of walking downstairs for the first time and not having Rookie there to greet me was unbearable, although for the past couple of months, he would be fast asleep and wouldn't wake up until some time after I came down.

When he would eventually wake and realize I was there, he would struggle to his feet, attempt to gain his balance and clickity-clack across the hardwood floor, wobbling all the way just to get to me for a little lovin'. Yesterday I was blessed with that last little moment we shared each day.

Yesterday brought a last wig-wag because we all know that Rookie would turn himself inside out when he saw you, his hind end nearly meeting his front. The closer they came together meant the happier he was to see you.

Yesterday held a last paw being placed on our arms urging us to NOT stop petting him. There were many last hugs on our part and many nose nudges on his.

Yesterday was a last lap of the back yard where Rookie left his temporary impression in the snow. From time to time over the past two days, you can find either one of us staring aimlessly out the window at his trail daydreaming of good times, promises fulfilled and of course, our profound loss. We know eventually it will melt but the visions we hold in our mind will not.



Yesterday Rookie made his last snow angel. Nothing better than watching him throw himself down and roll around in the snow as though his pain and stiffness had magically disappeared.



Yesterday was a last family walk to Rookie's favourite park, next door to our home. Someone wasn't thinking about his old hips and imbalance because we received several inches of snow the night before making it very difficult for him to make his way. Ev & I tried to break trail for him, but Rookie was as prideful as always and made his own way. He always had to be the leader when we were on a walk. He didn't get too far before his strength was taken from him, but at least he had one more in him.

Yesterday Rookie was given one more hand up the three stairs to the porch because he wasn't strong enough to make it on his own.

Yesterday Rookie received one more exuberant welcome back into the house from his little brother, Ernie. Every time Ernie was left in the house while Rookie was outside he anxiously awaited his big brother's return. The minute Rookie entered the door Ernie, would dance in circles in front of Rookie and place his front paws on Rookie's chest. Ernie would attempt to smell Rookie's muzzle just to make sure he hadn't eaten anything that Ernie wasn't privy to. Either that or he was saying, "How dare you go out and leave me all alone. I missed you brother. I'm glad your home."

Yesterday Rookie had his last brush, a special bonding moment shared solely between Ev & Rookie. Rookie, never satisfied with just a little brushing, he moaned and groaned and nudged his Dad and only relented when the brush was exchanged for his last treat.

Yesterday meant a last car ride with his head out the window although he didn't have the strength to stand in the back seat but he still had his nose in the breeze. We drove the entire way to the UPEI Veterinary Hospital with the window down despite the fact that it was -6 celcius.

Yesterday was a last dreaded visit to the vet's office. We all know how instinctually our pets become anxious there. The staff were so kind to him and us. They had a special room set up up with couches to sit on and a quilt in the centre of the floor for Rookie to lie on. Once he was settled they offered him a last meal...canned food....mmmm....He was in heaven. We laughed because we were wondering if he was thinking he was getting away with eating someone else's food and not getting scolded for it. When the time came to say goodbye, I moved to the floor to sit on the blanket with him while he leaned up against his dad. There were many more hugs and many more tears and then he was gone.

Hopefully yesterday held the last of any pain he felt, but as his ended, ours began. Coming home was the beginning of those firsts. The thought of entering the house without him there to greet us was excruciating. His blanket there. His bowl.

The moment we came in the house Ev folded Rookie's blanket up but left it in place and Ernie instantly made his way to it, climbed on top of it and just sat there.

It was a first for Rookie not reminding us it was time for his walk or time for his dinner. It was a first last night to not be able to give him a good-night hug or to hear him clickity-clacking around downstairs after we went to bed. He was very unsettled in the last months of his life, almost as though he just couldn't find a comfy spot to lie down.

Today Ernie seems to be doing well but occasionally, we see that he's not quite sure what to do with himself. His usual routine is to immediately come downstairs in the morning and head to Rookie's bed where they would greet one another and then he'd snuggle in beside him.

It is also Rookie and Ernie's habit that Rookie would always leave a few extra pieces of kibble in his bowl and Ernie would sneak in and steal them. We couldn't bear to break the routine so we've thrown a few pieces of Rookie's food into Ernie's bowl with each meal since.

We are both feeling like our home just isn't a home right now. As though the enthusiasm we have had over our new lot in life has been tainted. We know, as time passes, it will become more tolerable and less painful but today...today is just asking too much. Life as we know it, is not the same. Yesterday we shed our last tears for Rookie's pain and suffering. Today we shed tears for our own.

And Rookie....Ernie would have made you proud today. He put a "hag" on a squirrel like no other!