Ernie Has Found His Calling!

Dear Peoples,

I wanted to write and tell you that I would like to move into our new house.  Not the house that has three floors, four bedrooms and two bathrooms.  Not the house that has at least one bed on every level, lovingly placed there for my use only (not to mention the king-sized bed that I snuggle in at night).

Nope, I want to move into the new house parked in the driveway, the one on four wheels. Some time ago, Mommy fittingly referred to it as "The Dog House", but I don't think the title's use was meant for me. You know, the one that Daddy hooked up to the back of the truck this week and towed to lands afar? I RUVS IT!!!!  I RUVS EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!


Look!  Here's me daydreaming of what wondrous place my Daddy is taking me to on the CAR RIDE!  I bet he takes me through the drive-thru at Robin's Donuts where the lovely ladies always give me a "Milk Bone Tootie!"  If they forget or don't see me in the back seat, I bark at them so they know I'm in there.  I am lion, hear me ROAR!


Umm, Daddy?  Do ya think you can roll up the windows?  It's a little windy back here and you are mussing up my hair!

Anyhooo...Daddy drove and drove and eventually he pulled into a green pasture that overlooked the ocean.  I think he said it was called Red Point.  We could see fishing boats and sail boats off in the distance and I could hear all of the little kids laughing and playing in the surf.

While Daddy tried (and tried) to back the Dog House into the field, I think I heard him yell at Mommy, who was standing behind the Dog House, "I CAN'T SEE YOU!"  To which she gave him some kind of hand signal to check out in his rear view mirror.  I think they call it, "FLIPPIN' THE BIRD", and then Daddy laughed.  Eventually he got it right and then I heard them laugh because he could have driven straight through the field instead of backing it into the spot, but, oh well!

Once he got it levelled, I found a shady spot underneath the Dog House where I went fast to sleep.  I think I woke myself up snoring because Mommy & Daddy were laughing at me at one point.  Either that or I tooted in my sleep.  Small things amuse small minds, I say.  Watching out the window in anticipation while Daddy drives is hard work for a little gaffer.  You try standing on two legs when you were meant to stand on four!

Mom looks like she was lovin' it too!  Look at her hanging out on the lawn chair.  (Psst!  Notice there is only one chair while the other is inexplicably missing.  Well, between you and me, as soon as they got it out of its bag and Mommy set it up, she sat down in it and it broke!  Teee heee!  I did say that's between you and me, right?  She'll kill me if she finds out I finked on her.)

So....why do I love camping so much?  Well, I can sit anywhere I want inside the Dog House and see my Mommy and Daddy.  They can't go anywhere where I can't see them.  No FREAKIN' OUT for me! 

I also RUVS that we had BBQ every night, even when it was pouring....oh, wait for it.....CATS & DOGS outside!  And bacon always tastes great when you make it on the Dog House stove.  That's what I had for breakfast...BOTH mornings!

I also RUV me some long (3 hours long) naps with my Dad!  After 2 hours I was wide awake but Mommy had the door open so I could lie on the bed and watch all of the activity going on outside. 

Mommy loved her time in the Dog House too but, for some reason she cried after we had only been there for an hour or so.  No!  It wasn't Daddy barking at her about her lack of guidance while directing the Dog House into its new spot.  (She also gave him a thumbs down at one point.)  Shortly after we arrived another Dog House pulled in way, way  across the field from us.  And who should come out of it....

This old fella, of course!  (He's kinda freakin' me out because he looks like a mirage.  Ghost like, almost, don't cha' think?)  I had to do a double-take myself, but I knew it wasn't my BRO.  Cheer up, Buttercup!  Rookie is inside the trailer sleeping.

 See!

 He can't possibly be in two places at once.

Speaking of sleepin', I'm feeling another nap coming on.....

Me thinks I gotta leave it there but I have more adventures to share with you tomorrow.  But believe me when I tell you...I used to think I was meant for fishin', but now, I'm just not so sure.  This Dog House thing is really winning me over.  I'll have to try it out a few more times to be really sure. 

CHOW for NOW....Ernie-san!

Now What Kind Of Welcome Home Is That?

A serene drive down the coast with my two favourite men. The sun shining gloriously. The breeze wafting through the windows breaking the heat. Magnificent waterfront homes and charming farmhouses placed, to perfection, between the rolling hills. As we roll past our driveway to swing the trailer in, I notice something on my freshly painted deck. ARGH! Garbage! EVERYWHERE!

As I get closer I also note that my flower pots are overturned, the garbage is scattered across the deck, around the corner and all the way to the other end. There is filth EVERYWHERE and the deck is stained with something mustard yellow. Around the corner the wasp nest that has been accumulating underneath the planter that we built, now lies decimated on the deck, on the planter, on the chair. With the addition of much rainfall acting as glue, it is like tissue paper stuck to the surface of my freshly painted deck.

What kind of welcome home is this? A dose of reality after a couple of days of R & R. Nothing like real life to bring you back down to earth.

A note to the neighbours. If you by chance notice some raccoons passed out in your yard, foaming at the mouth, eyes rolling back in their head, you might want to advise the paramedics that the raccoons have suffered a vitamin and supplement overdose. We cleaned out the bathroom cupboard last week and dumped copious amounts of stale dated supplements. The good news is that if they survive, they will have strong shiny coats, lean muscles, healthy bones and teeth and improved cognitive function (so they can remember which neighbour has the choicest garbage).

Oh, you thought I was done yammering on about the deck... Let's just add to this, last week we had placed the umbrella from our patio set on the deck and then had two days of serious rainfall. When the rain subsided and the SF went to erect the umbrella, a shower rained down upon him. A shower of earwigs that is! Apparently that dark, wet environment was the perfect hiding place to protect them from the mega-rain we had. Once we got over the shock of the wiggies, I was horrified to see that the dye from the umbrella has stained a huge section of....you got it, my freshly painted deck!

Gone Camping!

We have taken our new baby on its maiden voyage, camping at Red Point Provincial Park. Check it out here. Please tune in Friday as I am sure that I will have plenty of tails uh...tales to share.

Man Down!

Actually, 3 Dead Soldiers to be exact.

How do I explain to my husband that he has lost 3 loves of his life, 3 loves that he has raised from...well, from seed. After a day of dragging Farmer Mac all over town and actually making him slightly tardy for work, the last thing he asked as he humped his sweaty bod off to work - can I water the lower half of my garden before you go to bed tonight. Since the sprinkler was sitting in the top half, I turned it on there first while I finished off painting the deck. (Yes, that is where I have been these past few days. Painting.)

An hour or so before sunset, Ernie and I took a wander down to the Veg Garden and as I neared the SF's tomato plants, I noticed one had fallen down. Then another....and another! What the hell! Farmer Mac has probably paid more attention to his tomato plants than he has to me (Not really.) of late. How could this happen? I have watched him plucking off the (don't know what they are called) to make his plants hardy and strong. I have watched him painstakingly stake them. Weed them. Feed them with fertilizer. Water them. Surround them with eel grass to keep them well nourished and mulched. I have even witnessed him talking to them, whispering I don't know what.

Upon closer inspection I could see that they had snapped and thought that it was the weight of the water from last night's sprinkling. But no. It appears that in his original attempt to stake them, there was not enough slack left in the twine he used and since they have probably tripled in size in the last couple of weeks, they were inadvertently, for lack of a better term, garroted to death. The twine had slowly choked the life out of the step and snapped the plants inches from their base.

So do I call him at work. Well, I tried to call him on his cell but no answer. Then I thought to myself, do I take the coward's way out and blog about it, call him at work and announce, as I so often do, "I HAVE BLOGGED", and then hang up? Sure! That sounds like a great plan!

But first I figured I had better save the others. I had to get some operating tools - nail clippers, scissors, minuscule pruners, additional twine. Kudos to me for my reaction and sacrificing ANOTHER pint of blood because it also happens to be the hunting hour for the mosquitoes who love my sweet nectar. Clip...Slap, Slap...Snip...Tug, Twist, Slap Tie...Slap!

As I neared the half way point, the phone rang. DANG! It was the Farmer calling me back. I attempted to hide my own disappointment but senses something was amiss. The more I applied my diversionary tactics, the more concerned he sounded. Had I fallen? Did a fox steal Ernie? Oh for God sake! You killed your G.D. tomato plants! So, there! To hell with trying to break it to him gently.

I am now down a gallon of blood and feeling rather light-headed but I did finish staking his plants. That's how much I love him.

The Joke Is On Him.

Once I descended the staircase in my castle this morning, as every princess does, the first view that generally greets me is the Veg Garden in all of its glory. So, imagine my dismay this morning when I saw this...

Perhaps a little closer view....

Argh! I put on my MAC jacket (every princess has one of those too, right?), my flip-flops and then myself and the GREAT Squirrel CROW Hunter gathered our wits and ran out the door to chase them off. (I think we sent them Itchy's way.) Then, it was time to survey the damage. I considered calling the SF and advising him of the SI-CHU-A-SHUN, but didn't want to upset him. As I got closer I realized it wasn't his garden they were attacking. It was mine! My poor circle garden!

What were they after? In the past, the crows had ripped apart some seedlings and I thought perhaps they were intrigued by the sweet peas. However, as I drew nearer I noticed the only thing that was up-ended were the name tags I had painstakingly written on, with indelible ink and my best penmanship. Each label detailed the 30+ varieties of seeds that I had broadcast across the red earth. Now they had been uprooted and lay lifeless on the earth's surface. Dead Soldiers fallen awkwardly amongst the seedlings (and weeds). Damn Crows! Are they just trying to confuse me or what? Are they trying to test my memory on what beauties lie where? Do they think they have outsmarted me? Are they watching us from the trees above mocking us, laughing at us? I can imagine the thoughts that were probably going through that trouble maker's mind. "I'm going to take this one here and put it there. And, this one here, I'll place over yonder. Heeheee! Now we've royally (I am a princess of course) F'd her up, Boys!" In all honesty, I think it was Itchy's crow, Russell...Russell Crow, of course. Itchy warned me about him and his wily ways of running away with plant tags. Apparently he really likes the fancy expensive metal ones. If anything, he has good taste. Well, the jokes on Russell because first off, he isn't aware that I have the diligently constructed "Pot O' Gold" map for the Circle Garden. And second....the names had actually worn off the tags. The sunlight had faded the ink to the point that they couldn no longer be read. Evidently Russell isn't as smart as he'd like us to think, if he was he might have noticed they were blank! So. The joke is on him. Russell Crow - kick rocks!

(postscript....Later that afternoon I was over at Itchy's house doing a garden tour when Cabot, her prince, put the chase on what might have been Russell. Did she secretly know I was giggling inside? Wait! Was he heading back to my garden?)

Since we are already in the garden, here is a bit of an updated tour.
Tomatoes and Lettuce (See! We have already had a harvest.)

Here's a closer look at the Mesclun Lettuce. We had a sweet salad with some sliced red onion, strawberries, feta cheese and balsamic dressing. So good! Keep up the good work, Farmer Mac!

Tomatoes with Rookie's Berry Patch in the Rear.

Brussel Sprouts

Pole Beans

My zucchini patch complete with nasturtiums and marigolds. Freshly weeded.

There he is, the Great Crow Hunter guarding his Daddy's Brussel Sprouts.

THE END.